Small town versus big city

My husband is an engineer who works on major construction projects – so his employment has always had a defined start and end date. As the major project he is currently working on starts to wind down, we have started to talk about what (and where) is next. Depending on the day – the answer to that question is quite different. One day we are packing it all in and heading for Australia, the next we are buying a new house in a neighboring area to our current home and are staying put, or some days we are moving to various locations across Canada. 

Long story short – we don’t have a clue what we are doing. For me - now that the twins are three - one of the biggest considerations is how we want to raise Max and Molly, where we want them to go to school and what we want their childhood to look like. And, if this was solely my decision, it would be easy. We would be packing up and heading to a small town.

I grew up in Cranbrook, BC – and when I was a kid it had a population of about 10,000. Since it is located at the base of the Rocky Mountains, it was kind of like growing up in a giant outdoor playground. We did lots of hiking and camping as a family – and the biggest feeling I can connect to my childhood is a sense of freedom. Some of my first memories are of cruising the ‘hood on my super awesome bike, hitting the local candy store by myself, building forts, riding my 50 cc Honda motorbike and trying to trap gophers in the huge vacant field behind our house. We did not have a care in the world – and judging by our lack of parental supervision – neither did my parents.

Anders on the other hand, is from Gothenburg, the second biggest city in Sweden. He had a good childhood, but from the stories I have heard, it wasn’t very free and involved a lot more supervision – meaning less gopher trapping and more music lessons.

In the middle of one of these “where do we go and what next” discussions, when I suggested we look at moving to the Cranbrook area, he said the sentence which almost brought down our marriage. “I don’t know…small towns are kind of…trashy.”

“WHHHAAATT! What do you mean trashy? And before you answer that – keep in mind I am from a small town and will not hesitate to go all kinds of small town on your ass!”

I get that everyone thinks the way they grew up is the best way – but people who believe growing up in a big city is the best are wrong. So – once we (I) calmed down, I started to ask questions about his childhood and some teenage milestones to try and understand where he was coming from and why he thought small towns were trashy. 

When did you have your first drink?
Gothenburg answer: I was about 12 or 13, and it was low alcohol beer. We had to drink like 15 or so to even get a buzz.
Cranbrook answer: Ditto – I was like 13-ish, and I got drunk on “shit mix” (for those of you from Gothenburg - “shit mix” is basically when you steal like a half inch of hard alcohol from all the bottles in you parent’s booze cupboard and mix it all together, usually in a two litre pop bottle). I shot a bunch of it, and pretty much don’t remember that whole week. 

When did you first try cigarettes?
Gothenburg answer: I think I was about 12 or 13, and it wasn’t cigarettes, it was snuff.
Cranbrook answer:  Same again! How can you say we are trashier! We lied to the cashier at the local Mac’s store and said we were buying the pack for my grandma. We bought menthol More brand smokes – those crazy long skinny brown ones - because my friend thought they looked classy. But in hindsight - I doubt we looked too classy like 20 minutes later when we were puking in the gopher chasing field - clutching our More Menthols in one hand and holding our hair back with the other. 

When did you first shoot a gun?
Gothenburg answer: What in the holy hell are you talking about? I was a kid – why would I shoot a gun? The only time I have shot a gun was during my service in the military – which was mandatory when I was 18.
Cranbrook answer: I was probably like eight or so. No biggie – just shooting beer cans and shit while my Dad and his friends drank us up some empty shooting targets.

When did you first do drugs?
Gothenburg answer: Do you realize you are just proving my point here? I have never done drugs – because they are illegal in Sweden.
Cranbrook answer: Listen tight ass – they are illegal here too! It isn’t like you can just run down the main street in Cranbrook screaming that you want drugs (to be fair – you probably actually can, I just didn’t want to add fuel to his fire) - you gotta be sneaky! When I was 17, my friend and I got a joint off a guy we went to school with, and we biked up into a popular backwoods area to smoke it. We brought all this food and art supplies so we could counter the munchies and let our creative juices flow. It didn’t go well. I ate pretty much everything in the bag while my friend cut my hair to look like a popular actress at the time. When we pedaled out of the woods about three hours later, she looked and felt totally normal; I was bloated and looked like I was wearing a mangy raccoon on my head.

What did you guys do for high school graduation?
Gothenburg answer: We had a ceremony at the school, and around that time there were lots of parties at people houses.
Cranbrook answer: Again - ditto! Only replace people’s houses with the bush and a stack of pallets on fire and we are totally even. Also – I don’t fully remember the graduation ceremony part. In high school we were lined up alphabetically and I had two good friends who had last names that started with the same letter as me so we all sat together. I smuggled in a two litre of Rock-a-Berry cooler and a giant bag of Doritos which I had strapped to my body under my grad gown – so we were pretty drunk about half an hour into the ceremony.

At this point I could kind of see where he was going, and that I was losing this battle quickly. I figured my best option was to stop talking. So we both sat there, silent, staring at each other. I was trying to figure out ways in which I could better explain how great it is to grow up in a small town and how it just seems so much safer and better for the kids.

I am pretty sure he was wondering how he ended up with such a shit show of a wife, and how he could get the kids out of the country before I noticed.

So, for the moment, I don’t think we will be making any major decisions. We have a few more months before his job winds down, which means I have three more months to convince Anders to move to the Kootenays…or Australia (how freaking cute would Max and Molly be with little Australian accents!). So as part of my revised and improved strategy, I think from now on I will focus more on the stories that don’t involve illegal drugs, alcohol and guns. I am going to continue to try and show him that "normal" isn't always better, and it sure as shit isn't more fun. A little bit of "trashiness" sure makes life more interesting and a whole hell of a lot more exciting.