Why I love teenage girls

My husband thinks I need to update the photo of me on this blog since it is about four years old. His photo on his facebook page is like six years old - but apparently the rules of out-dated photos don’t apply to facebook.

So - valid point - I started going through recent photos to use - and made a seriously shocking discovery.

Have you seen that movie "The Ring"? It is from like 10 years ago - and scared the living shit out of me. I used to love scary movies - then I saw that one, and no word of a lie, I haven’t seen a scary movie since. Anyway - the point here is that in the movie there is this fucked up little girl whose mom shoves her in a well to die because she has crazy brain powers or something. Somehow - with her mind, she creates this super creepy little movie and anyone who views it gets a call right after that says they will die in seven days.  Now - here is the key part - in any picture they take of themselves after that point they show up all crazy distorted. And then the dead little girl crawls out of your TV in seven days - moving all hurkey jerky super creepy style - and then somehow scares you to death.

In typing that - the movie sounds pretty lame. But, to prove how scary it really is, when I saw it in the theatre with my then boyfriend - he literally got so scared he farted. It was THAT scary. He went to lift his legs up onto the chair and in the process - he farted. Normally I would have been horrified, he would have been embarrassed - all sorts of apologies and excuses would have followed. We were so scarred, neither one of us said a word or moved. We just sat there, in the stink, being horrified.

Okay - so back to the point. Watch that movie if you haven’t, and I think that having kids does something similar to your face.

I haven’t been able to find one decent-ish picture of me since having kids. Not one. It isn’t like I have packed on a ton of weight, changed my hair, or had severe facial trauma. My only theory is that having kids is like watching that fucked up little mind trip video and then from here on in all your pictures are a total mess that leave you asking what in the hell just went down here? Do I really look that bad all the time? 

Below are some pre-kid shots where I think I like look I should.

Shoveling snow in early 2008 - looking pretty normal...

At a friend's wedding in 2007 - again, looking normal...

And then this shit started to happen. Below is my driver’s licence picture from 2010, and my community association membership card from 2011. Based on the downhill trend - I should be a full-fledged goblin by 2015. 

What the fuck? Seriously?

Just by looking at that picture, if I worked at the community association and was sorting through membership files and came across this beauty - I would definitely call America's Most Wanted. I look like a homeless crack head. They should be arrested for letting me in repeatedly to use the facilities! How can you let someone who looks like that into a place with kids? Seriously - shame on you community club!

Yesterday we went to a local museum and rented strollers for the kids. We had to leave a piece of photo ID, so I left my driver’s licence. When we returned the strollers I asked for my licence back and the girl went through the ID bin once...twice...then looked kind of panicked and started asking her coworkers where my licence was. She gestured towards me and sort of half whispered "you guys - we gave this woman's licence to someone else. Her licence is not in here."

One asked my name and looked again and found it based on name. All three of the girls looked at the picture, looked and me, and where like - "Wow - that does not look like you at all! You should get a new picture - that is horrible! You are way prettier."

I almost started to cry. Not from getting that scary ass licence back - but because I had proof that maybe I hadn’t morphed into a goblin, or a body double for a crack head. God bless those teenage girls. They have made my year.  And, no Anders. I will not be updating my blog picture.